Dried Bonito Flakes for the Soul

Fascinating

2009-11-04T23:20:00.001-08:00

(Paraphrased from a convo I just had with Jim).

I just read an article about shorebird predation on horseshoe crabs in Delaware Bay that uses the functional response model of prey-predator relationships to explain the relationship between resource intake (of horseshoe crab eggs) by shorebirds and resource abundance (of horseshoe crab eggs) by spawning crabs. It implicates the availability of horseshoe crab eggs as limiting the rate at which the eggs can be consumed. However, it also mentions that there are digestive bottlenecks of shorebirds that further limit resource intake, specifically that red knots apparently do not consume to the maximum intake that their larger body size should permit. The authors conclude that "the abundance and availability of horseshoe crab eggs have implications for the rate at which shorebirds can consume eggs, which is likely to be a major determinant of which beaches are used by shorebirds." But the most fascinating point I thought was a question they raise at the very end about an effect red knots might be having on themselves: "are red knots more susceptible to reductions in egg abundance and availibility because they are already operating below the capacity their larger body size should permit?"

It'd be much more interesting if I'd explained the article better (or if you had just read the article yourself). But still. Jeeeeez!

(The article was "Shorebird predation of horseshoe crab eggs in Delaware Bay: species contrasts and availibility of resources" by Gillings et al. 2007).

2009-11-04T10:54:00.000-08:00

Shit. I hate it when I'm on the cusp of figuring out something really cool, but it's so unbelievably abstract in my brain that I have a ton of trouble putting it into words, or that I don't even know what the discovery is yet.

Hate

2009-11-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

My fellow college students are making me hate the word "interesting" and the phrase "I agree." These are said way too often, and usually they either aren't elaborated on or they aren't defined. Arg.

If I were a gay French man in the 1970s, I would totally have sex with Foucault

2009-11-03T14:04:00.000-08:00

"The two main studies of [Foucault's] later work analysed the social discourses on social discipline and punishment, and sexuality. Foucault broke these discourses down into the multiplicity of component discourses that were produced through a whole array of practices in various institutional contexts. One of the essential arguments here was that proper analytical research should focus precisely on the illumination of the smaller, often less conspicuous practices, techniques, and mechanisms, which he called ‘the disciplines’; these somehow determined how large institutional systems actually worked. So, for instance, in Discipline and Punish he sought to show how the legal system that was devised in the spirit of the philosophy of the Enlightenment ‘guaranteed a system of rights that were egalitarian in principle [but] was supported by these tiny, everyday, physical mechanisms, by all those systems of micropower that are essentially non-egalitarian and asymmetrical.’ Foucault criticized political theory for paying too much attention to institutions and too little to these smaller practices or ‘disciplines’" (The Politics of Environmental Discourse. pp. 47)

Sexiest thing I've read all day.

Life's a-changin'

2009-11-01T20:46:00.001-08:00

It hasn't really hit me yet just how life-changing this past summer was. I guess that's because everything's just worked out so naturally, there never was a time where I felt the need to second-guess anything.

But who would've imagined that my Hong Kong girlfriend would be coming to visit this winter break? Or that I'd be off to visit her for spring break in March?

2009-10-31T19:15:00.001-07:00

Ugh. I really hate how university has taught me to be so damn critical of absolutely everything I read. How is it supposed to help me analyze the way an argument is framed in some scientific article if I keep stupidly taking issue with everything the author writes?

There's too much of a focus on being critical in school, and on trying to pick apart underlying assumptions of what the author's saying. There's not nearly enough focus on using what's written as a positive, generative force that one can expand on. It's like we're taught not to trust anything anyone's written. (I'm being a bit extreme, but still).

Formal logic & mathematics

2009-10-29T14:16:00.001-07:00

I miss numbers.

Romberg's Right

2009-10-29T13:47:00.000-07:00

My fieldwork & ethnography professor pointed out some things that've been bugging me throughout my whole life: I'm much too general with my thoughts and outlook, and it really shows in my work; and when it comes to acts of creating, such as writing or drawing or music-making, I'm too keen on playing it safe, and not very comfortable with taking risks. This hasn't always been the case, and there's a huge case that states the opposite (i.e. my relationship with Candy), but in general, I try to play my cards right. (I guess I should qualify what I'm saying. I love to think outside of the box, but I hardly ever do anything outside of the box). I'm really going to start doing something about this, and this fieldwork & ethnography class is where I can academically try to do something different, something more creative. Maybe that's what's been bugging me so much lately. I just haven't felt creative, and I've felt no reason to try be creative. I'm going to really push myself starting now.

Philosophy is (not) bullshit

2009-10-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

No philosophy (i.e. way of looking at/thinking about the world/existence/the nature of things) is wrong: it's not a matter of right or wrong. Rather, it is a question of what becomes of the world when a particular philosophy is developed. For example, positivist science is not wrong about there being an objective world that is "knowable unmediated by social concepts" (Drengson 2001), even though it may appear to be wrong when one comes from a social constructionist perspective, which states that "human beings cannot objectively 'know' or 'understand' the [world] unmediated by social factors" (Whittaker & Mercer 2004), and vice versa. Instead, it is a matter of what kind of knowledge can be gained by viewing the world according to each philosophy. If science is taken to be our point of departure, then how is the world seen and what can be made of it in this lens? Just the same with social constructionism: what can be found in the world according to this particular worldview. Thus, no philosophy or worldview can ever claim that it reaches an "objective truth" that renders all other competing philosophies moot, because no objective truth can move outside of the boundaries of the specific philosophy within which it was developed, which makes it a subjective truth in relation to other philosophies. What follows is that the quality of being either an "objective truth" or a "subjective truth" changes according to the perspective that one takes.

What, then, is one to do with this? Well, to take everything with a grain of salt while completely immersing oneself in any particular philosophy. I guess, as a Buddhist might say, to be "non-attached"--to not be attached, but not be detached either; instead to be right in the middle.

EDIT: On second thought, the "conclusion" above is such a cop-out. What I really see as the outcome of looking at things the way I've described them is that each philosophy, each way of looking at things, becomes a tool for looking at the world and solving different sets of problems. It's a more holistic approach to living and experiencing life, and dealing with things.

False alarm!

2009-10-28T19:23:00.000-07:00

OK, so no hernia. Surgeon said it was probably just inflammation of the mesh or maybe some scar-tissue. Nothing to worry about. Phew!

He said my stomach muscles are really weak, so I've begun to work on that. I just did 6 bicycle kicks (my plan was to do 5 a day for a week, then 10 a day for a week, then 15, etc.), but I think I'm going to just going to lift my legs up while lying down as though I were about to do leg-lifts or bicycle kicks and keep them there for 5 seconds, then 10, then 15, then 20, then I'll move onto actual exercises. I've also been going to the gym and walking on the treadmill for a mile, and lifting 3 and 5 lbs weights. I'm starting out as slow and small as I can and then build up really slowly from there. Getting these hernias really has forced me to realize just how important it is to work up slowly and not jump head first into really tough workouts, which is what I did to get them in the first place.

Am I simply being too much of a logician?

2009-10-27T09:37:00.001-07:00

Ultra-modernism, an extreme form of modernist development theory from the 1980s, "consists of economic theorists who insist that the laws of economics have been proven valid, that the invisible hand of the market allocates resources optimally. Therefore, there is only economics, not development economics. When governments or outside agencies try to make the market work better, they introduce distortions which make it work worse. The free market does not guarantee equality of outcome, they say, but it produces as optimal an allocation of resources as is possible" (Cooper & Packard, The History and Politics of Development Knowledge).

OK, that may be well and good, but it means absolutely nothing if the laws of economics have only been proven valid. What would really be impressive is if they showed that the laws are truthful and valid. After all, I could make a completely false argument that's still valid, such as:

All bears are gay.
Jim Kauterman is a bear.
Therefore, Jim Kauterman is gay.

The conclusion logically follows from the premises, and so the argument is true. But as to questions about its truth, it's a completely false argument. Are all bears really gay? No, or else the species wouldn't procreate. Also, Jim isn't a bear, because that's dumb.

In any case, ultra-modernists are stupid and I hate them.

Dan and mom are right

2009-10-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

Hahaha. I've been so upset over this hernia recurrence. As devastating as it was to realize that getting surgery didn't resolve the problem in the first place, thereby making my hopes for complete recovery crash and burn, having a hernia (and it seems a minor one at that) really isn't too bad a thing. It's so common. And it could be a lot worse. Although it seems like I can no longer focus my energies on working out as much as I did, or as hard as I did, there are so many other things to life than simply working out. It's time to stop looking at working out as some sort of panacea that I'm now shut out of; it's now time to look for other endeavors that I can obsessively pursue.

Poetry seems like a good bet.

Hiiyaaaaaaaa!!!!

2009-10-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

There's a simplicity to life that I crave, but find is all too easily lost during the semester. The pressures of school, work, and social activity pile up to the extent that that simplicity cannot be purely found, though I know it's always there; it's just hidden underneath all the muck that builds up. Fall depression certainly makes this worse, by making me feel like I can't laugh, or even smile, at something--anything--without knowing it's slightly forced, or knowing that I don't really feel any positive sensation. I'm just getting over this hernia business too. I don't feel really much pain at all anymore, and there's hardly a lump. I'm wondering if the hernia, which I'm pretty sure has recurred (though I still need to see if my surgeon agrees), is very small or just non-existent. I'd been worrying too much about it, and about my own self-preservation, for quite some time. Now I'm just feeling the aftershocks of that anxiety, and it's coming by force in the form of emotional and spiritual exhaustion. I'm just going through some growing pains in re-situating myself back into my normal routines--thought patterns, general behavior--,and being too attached to my other. It's for the best, though--for myself, and for the both of us.

I've always dreamt that I would live an intense life full of love, despair, happiness, suffering, fierce intellectualism, and a drive to push myself even further and harder; overall, a passionate hecticness to my life. That's exactly what is happening now, and I love every minute of it.

Foo

2009-10-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

Oof. I need a vacation. Just 7 more weeks till she comes. Phew!

Barf

2009-10-21T20:09:00.000-07:00

*Breathes in*

*Breathes out*

OK, I'm starting to get my head on straight. I've been going a little nuts these past few days. It's funny looking back and thinking, "What the hell? What I was going through wasn't that bad." Oh well.

Hernia's back, so I gotta figure out a way to deal with it. I think the mesh that was preventing a recurrence broke. My body just won't have any of this surgery business.

I've had enough of my bullshit

2009-10-20T19:10:00.000-07:00

This hernia stuff is really getting to me now. It's been just short of 5 weeks now since I had surgery and I'm still getting pain from time to time. Yesterday, the pain was so bad, I ended up limping to work. I'm really scared of it recurring, because I really want to just be rid of this. It's really dragging down, not just with my emotional state, but also with the amount of time I have to spend taking care of myself. I just wish I were able to jump up and down, go take a jog outside, do some push-ups, or some other simple work-out. It's just making everything so difficult and I've gotten myself into this stupid, paranoid psychological state, and I'm having a hard time cheering myself up, because being physical was so crucial to my happiness. Sometimes, I just feel like I can't do anything. Sometimes, I just can't stand it and I feel like breaking down.

But as my mom said, I might not be able to help myself physically, but I'm the only one who can help myself mentally and who can make the decision to either stay down and feel bad for myself or think positively and go seize the day, in whatever way I can. I really need to pull myself up from my bootstraps--even if I'm in physical pain, it's up to me to make the choice whether or not to worry about my health or feel down about the position and state I'm in. So, no more worrying from now on. No more negative thinking. I need discipline.

That's why I'm so down, because I lack the inspiration of discipline, and I miss the enlightenment of physical violence. But I need to find some substitution for that physicality. I need to regain that discipline through some other endeavor, be it in the form of music, poetry, schoolwork, or love. There's no reason to feel bad about what happened. All I can do is push forward and have a positive outlook, no matter how grim things may seem (or how worried I might become). I've let myself fall too far into this poor psychological state, and now's the time to get myself out of it. So, enough of this, Alex. Let's get a move on. There's a great life to live right now, so go ahead and live it.

You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

2009-10-13T21:05:00.000-07:00

I've been forgetting to be OCD about being clean. A few more days of this amnesia and I should be ship shape and bristol fashion!

The "Issue Attention Cycle"

2009-10-13T14:42:00.000-07:00

1. Pre-problem stage: The problem exists but has not yet received public attention.

2. Alarmed discovery and euphoric enthusiasm: A dramatic event captures the public's attention. There is a strong push to 'solve the problem' in a relatively short period of time.

3. Realising the costs of significant progress: There is a gradual realisation of the high cost involved in 'solving' the problem, both financially and in terms of major sacrifices that the general population will have to make.

4. Gradual decline of intense public interest: As more and more people realise how difficult and costly the necessary changes are they become discouraged, threatened or bored by the issue. By this time, a new issue that '... exerts a more novel and thus more powerful claim upon public attention' (Downs 1972, p. 40) has usually entered Stage 2.

5. The post-problem stage: The issue has been replaced by another as the focus of public: concern and enters a prolonged period of 'limbo'. The issue occasionally recaptures public attention; however, it has a different status to that it enjoyed in the 'pre-problem' stage: new policies, programs or institutions have been created to deal with the problem.

---A. Downs, 1972: "Up and Down with Ecology--The 'Issue Attention Cycle'"

Man, if that isn't an accurate description of basic human psychology, I don't know what is.

Only Cookies Delicious!

2009-10-11T23:54:00.001-07:00

Man, I can't wait until I'm fully healed with this hernia crap. Ever since that infection (which the surgeon doubts was actually an infection), I've been completely OCD about keeping myself germ-free and sterile as I can. It's driving me nuts. Once my suture scabs go away and my innards are all ready for some physical movement, I'll get outta this mindset no problem, but for now... ugh. Haha.

The loss of American Education

2009-10-09T08:12:00.000-07:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/09/opinion/09krugman.html?hp

Krugman's right. I'm going to have to start busting my ass really fucking hard if I want to compete with the likes of those who were educated in overseas institutions. Now's a good time to kick my brain into full gear.

yurg

2009-10-08T15:15:00.000-07:00

Ugh. The more I read into this whole horseshoe crab/red knot stuff, the more complex it becomes, and the more unsure I am that my previous thoughts about it are even on the right track.

Couch potaters

2009-10-07T07:47:00.000-07:00

An important part of television broadcasting is flow, that is, maintaining viewers throughout the program and onto the next one (i.e. viewers who "flow through" till the end): getting viewers to "flow in" from other channels, and trying to keep viewers from "flowing out" to competing stations. "Bill Diller, head of QVC and a former Fox executive, made this explicit: 'The trick going way up through the '60s, '70s, some of the 80's--and even now to some degree--was flow. Could you get them and keep them?' As more viewers had remote control devices, maintaining flow became more difficult, according to Diller. 'What changed was that now you didn't have to get up.'" (Budd et al. 1999: Consuming Evironments: Television & Commercial Culture).

Hahahaha. Americans are so lazy.

Haha. Silly China. Trix are for kids!

2009-10-01T13:56:00.001-07:00

A confident President Hu Jintao, clad in a high-collared Mao-style jacket, told the invited guests — the general public was not allowed to attend the parade — that “infinitely bright prospects” lay ahead for the world’s most populous nation.

“Today, a socialist China geared to modernization, the world and the future has stood rock-firm in the east of the world,” Mr. Hu said in a brief speech speckled with boilerplate references to Chinese-style socialism. The Chinese people, he said, “cannot be prouder of the development and progress of our great motherland.”

Oh? Then why weren't they allowed to attend, to show their pride?

Paranoid Android

2009-09-23T11:38:00.001-07:00

I really need to get out of my head. Sitting around all the time always makes me think too much, which of course makes me anxious. I think because this is the first time I've had surgery, I got myself into a paranoid mindset. It didn't help that I sort of had an allergic reaction to the pain meds and that when I went to the ER, they thought I was starting to get an infection, and so they kept me in the hospital overnight. My drive for self-preservation has shot through the roof and it's started to get to me. I've always been an anxious person--although practicing martial arts has definitely helped me cope with and get rid of anxiety--so I keep telling myself that no, I'm not going crazy, that I'm just in a bad place right now and that it'll soon pass. I think it's 'cause I haven't been affected by anxiety like this in more than a year that I'm just not used to it anymore. I really don't like being weak, but right now I am, both physically and mentally, and so I've just got to bear with it for the time being. I definitely need to find a way to get myself physically active, just so long as I don't hurt myself. That always helps me relieve stress and anxiety. Maybe I'll even watch a movie tonight and do some minor working out while I do so.

blub

2009-09-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

I am way too concerned with theory and not enough with practice.